It's official, the city of Syracuse is out to get me.
I will be assembling a panel of top minds to counteract the dark forces of Syracuse. First on our agenda - find the supreme leader of the minions of the City of Syracuse. I think we really must be facing a large, coordinated effort led by a mastermind of the highest order for the assaults on my person (and my car) to be so numerous. How do I know they are dark forces? The cop who pulled me over spoke with a Eastern European accent (take that Eastern Europe!). ---wait, wait, wait, let me back up...
Let me tell you of the recent series of incidents that have happened to me in Syracuse. ----I should preface this by saying I hit the streets in a sporty PT Cruiser. The very first time I drove this car after buying it I passed the same exact car, but driven by an old man in a plaid driving cap. I thought to myself, yes, the PT Cruiser, the car that old men and Laurel drive. Also, where can I get a plaid driving cap?
And now back to my series of unfortunate events---- First of all, I was driving down Genessee street when a fire truck without its lights on barreled oncoming traffic (aka ME). I managed to stomp on the breaks and swerve without hitting it though, take that 007. Meanwhile, the fireman sitting in the passenger seat of the fire truck seemed to be laughing wildly with glee at their diabolical plot.
Secondly, as Jilly and I were returning from an emergency ice cream run, I pulled up to a four way stop just before a cop pulled up to the stop sign on my left. Long story short, the cop car almost hit me (because he didn't see me going through the intersection) and then pulled me over to save face. The bald Russian spy, I mean "police officer," that emerged from the cop car proceeded to tell me that I'm a bad person for not stopping at stop signs (um, for the record, I did stop).
Side note: Today in Skaneatles, one of the Dark Empire's satellite cities, I was nearly mowed down by a purple van as I was crossing the street. The assassins of Syracuse are everywhere! Luckily, my stealth moves (a move characterized by just kind of standing there in the street), almost certain death was avoided. AND This evening I pulled up to a stop light, then realized there were three separate cop cars all around me, lying in wait for my next bad move...
Beware the minions of Syracuse.
Monday, September 28, 2009
A Post-Colonial Read of the Cats
Greetings.
I decided it was time to do a postcolonial read of the activities of Po and Cleo.
These two dominant world powers have completely imperialized and colonized our Westcott apartment, enabling the Westcatt Empire to develop quickly and with little impediment from the indigenous tenants.
Cleopatra, the less agressive imperializer, retains a firm hold on the mother country of her domain - Laurel's room. Laurel's office, as well as my own, were conquered jointly, and remain shared territories. Po controls the highlands, such as the top of the bookshelves, while Cleo has almost exclusive rights to the fertile lowlands, which are under the desks. The Kitchen and Living Room are run with similar arrangements, although the Green Couch remains the source of occasional disputes.
Although Cleo makes occasional forays into the bathrooms and my bedroom, those territories have officially been conquered and colonized by Po. In order to maintain control over the native residents, Po frequently maps my colonial body by watching me in the shower. However, it is my room which has become the shining jewel in the Westcatt empire.
My bedroom was originally conquered so that Po could access its most valuable and proliferous export - high ties. Although he claims that the purpose of colonization was to cuddle the inhabitant, most postcolonial scholars agree that the economic benefits of plentiful hair ties and unsupervised yarn were what actually drew the colonial power. Po's colonization efforts were originally blocked by a closed door. After arduous efforts and much exploitation of native labor, a canal was dug to surmount the difficulty. Now, Po has almost unlimited access to his colonized territory.
All attempts to invade Lizz's room have met with staunch native resistance. Although Po and Cleo continue to plot, neither has made any noteworthy advances. Both Po and Cleo have also explored outside territories, such as Upper Porch, Lower Porch, and the Driveway and Backyard. While Cleo regards these areas with suspicion, and shows no signs of continued commerce with them, Po has eagerly marked them for future colonial projects - and escapes to them whenever possible to continue mapping.
I decided it was time to do a postcolonial read of the activities of Po and Cleo.
These two dominant world powers have completely imperialized and colonized our Westcott apartment, enabling the Westcatt Empire to develop quickly and with little impediment from the indigenous tenants.
Cleopatra, the less agressive imperializer, retains a firm hold on the mother country of her domain - Laurel's room. Laurel's office, as well as my own, were conquered jointly, and remain shared territories. Po controls the highlands, such as the top of the bookshelves, while Cleo has almost exclusive rights to the fertile lowlands, which are under the desks. The Kitchen and Living Room are run with similar arrangements, although the Green Couch remains the source of occasional disputes.
Although Cleo makes occasional forays into the bathrooms and my bedroom, those territories have officially been conquered and colonized by Po. In order to maintain control over the native residents, Po frequently maps my colonial body by watching me in the shower. However, it is my room which has become the shining jewel in the Westcatt empire.
My bedroom was originally conquered so that Po could access its most valuable and proliferous export - high ties. Although he claims that the purpose of colonization was to cuddle the inhabitant, most postcolonial scholars agree that the economic benefits of plentiful hair ties and unsupervised yarn were what actually drew the colonial power. Po's colonization efforts were originally blocked by a closed door. After arduous efforts and much exploitation of native labor, a canal was dug to surmount the difficulty. Now, Po has almost unlimited access to his colonized territory.
All attempts to invade Lizz's room have met with staunch native resistance. Although Po and Cleo continue to plot, neither has made any noteworthy advances. Both Po and Cleo have also explored outside territories, such as Upper Porch, Lower Porch, and the Driveway and Backyard. While Cleo regards these areas with suspicion, and shows no signs of continued commerce with them, Po has eagerly marked them for future colonial projects - and escapes to them whenever possible to continue mapping.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Introductions
First, we must introduce ourselves.
This is Potemkin, Po for short.
He was born in a tiny hole under a porch last August. His mother is Edna Ferber... she spent a long time under the bed because of a traumatic vacuum incident. We hear she's been doing much better though.
This is Cleopatra, no relation.
Cleo's history is unknown, but that's the way she likes it. A lady must have her mysteries.
Po is playful.
Cleo sleeps.
This is our neighbor "Stan" wandering around our backyard for some reason.
We'll probably mention him a lot.
This is Potemkin, Po for short.
He was born in a tiny hole under a porch last August. His mother is Edna Ferber... she spent a long time under the bed because of a traumatic vacuum incident. We hear she's been doing much better though.
This is Cleopatra, no relation.
Cleo's history is unknown, but that's the way she likes it. A lady must have her mysteries.
Po is playful.
Cleo sleeps.
This is our neighbor "Stan" wandering around our backyard for some reason.
We'll probably mention him a lot.
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